Operation Finding Dolly

Hey Mom

You’ll never guess what mission we got sent on today! For all their faults, it turns out that the North Cheltnamese are massive fans of [Redacted], and several of the villages were holding impersonator competitions, complete with [Redacted] and [Redacted]! Unfortunately, at the same time [Redacted] was being flown in to [Redacted] the troops, but their plane landed on the wrong side of the border and we had to go rescue them to ensure the morale of everyone back at base.

Dressing up as [Redacted] to keep a low profile we set off, our cover being that we were entrants making our way to the competitions. I’m not sure how our impromptu attempts got us past the North Chelt guards, but I think my [Redacted] left them speechless! We had six contests (I think) to get to, and it didn’t start well, as at the first one the LT approached a young lady in a mini-skirt, and [Redacted]!

Pvt Treadwell went first at the second village, and earnt a smile for his efforts, but the lady there was a mere impersonator. I’m not sure if he started collecting [Redacted] here, but he has a few by the end of the mission. Having had a chance to copy Treadwell’s moves, the LT tried again at village 3. Unfortunately he offended the locals so much they immediately shot him, and the Chaplin! We got them patched up, and Treadwell [Redacted] another lady.

Needless to say, driving around in the jungle is about as dangerous as walking about in it, and despite our cunning disguises several people did try to stop us from completing our mission. A marine out of uniform is still a marine though, and we showed ‘em, even the nasty guy who turned up in a helicopter next to a statue of a tank. He was odd. I mean, who wears a suit in the middle of the jungle?

Eventually though we made it to village four. I think the LT made the approach this time too, and thankfully it was third time lucky for him as he got the girl! There was some confusion then, and I was ordered to call in a massive airstrike on the area, the kind that deletes grid squares, but I made sure to check with the Sergeant first, and she confirmed what I thought, and we didn’t do that. Instead we called in for some helicopters to take us, our target, and all of Treadwell’s [Redacted]s home. They sent TWO cobras super quick, which shows how important the mission was, and when we got back to base we found out that the President himself had awarded the unit a medal for our efforts in [Redacted] a National Treasure.

I’d love to be able to tell you more about it, but it’ll have to wait til I’m home, the Colonel said something about wanting to stop too many details getting out to avoid [Redacted]. For now though, we’re all going to go hit up the bar on base and make sure the [Redacted] that Pvt Treadwell rescued are properly looked after and entertained!

Write to you soon

Morse